Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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