Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sext me about skeletons
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
