She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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