Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
