so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
