He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
