Can i not drive my cunt home
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
