there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
