I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
