don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
