I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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