which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
