my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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