I hate all girls vehemently.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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