Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
