Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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