I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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