Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
