i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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