You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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