my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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