She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
