Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
