it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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