I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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