Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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