maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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