mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
