The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
