I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
