Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
