They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
