He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
