Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
