I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
