i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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