Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
