my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
