So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i now understand why vodka
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
