I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
