Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
