Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
