too bad you live with your parents still
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
