Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
