Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
