just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
