If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
