My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
