I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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