covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
