Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
