Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
