Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
